Men's rights activism / white oppression

Hi

Haven't made a post in a while but was thinking about this topic yesterday and decided to go into it in a bit more detail. I've mentioned 'Men's Rights Activism' before but I did a little research and wanted to explain why it doesn't exist. These ideas also tie in with race and 'white oppression'.

What is the Men's Rights Movement?
According to Wikipedia, the Men's Rights Movement (MRM) targets male oppression and discrimination. Men's Rights Activists (MRA) see males as an oppressed group threatened by the "feminised" modern society.

What do men see as oppression?
A few examples include rape culture and the overgeneralisation that all men are rapists or men get falsely accused of rape* by angry or vengeful partners or some that believe rape doesn't exist. MRA also say that sexual assault and domestic violence happens to men too but the issue isn't as widely discussed and addressed. Another big concern of MRAs is that the court system supposedly favours women in divorce and child custody cases.
*False accusations of rape is thought to be less than 2%, like other crimes.

Why can't men be oppressed?
In society there is a power hierarchy, at the top of which is heterosexual white males. This is most likely due to the religious roots of England which were then passed onto other countries including North America. These qualities were seen as superior to others thus forming sex discrimination and well as race, class and sexuality discrimination. As this group has always been favoured, it seems that any sign of "discrimination" against them is picked up on and attacked.
"Why isn't there a white history month" "What about men's rights?"
Every event in history was white history, everything children are taught in schools is white history, everything we know and see was from white history because Great Britain thought it ran the world. A group in power cannot be oppressed because they still possess the power, women could form an uprising against men but it won't change the system. White people could claim discrimination based on race but at the end of the day, white people are still in charge. 
Just because you are facing a sex or race etc related problem doesn't mean you are being oppressed. Sexism and racism have caused long term, incredibly damaging effects worldwide that need to be addressed now.

Why is MRA damaging?
The idea of men's rights and male entitlement is what causes a lot of the sex inequality in the first place. The Santa Barbara shooting I spoke about before was a product of male entitlement and men thinking they are superior and deserve everything handed to them on a platter. The fact that me saying all this might trigger the response "but not all men" reinforces this egocentrism. Being privileged doesn't mean you don't have problems, but understanding that there are bigger, more critical problems is vital. Feminism helps men too.

Oppression means prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or exercise of authority. Women are not in authority, therefore we do not possess the power to oppress.

The "friendzone" and Santa Barbara shooting

Helloo

I'm sure a lot of you have heard about the recent tragic shooting from a kid named Elliot Rodger who allegedly was fed up with women rejecting his advances and so decided to get revenge by killing them. He vowed he was going to "slaughter every blonde slut [he] see[s]". I am aware that he had highly functioning asperger's syndrome and was being seen by many therapists but how he managed to get hold of a gun and go on a rampage is completely ridiculous! 

What I really wanted to talk about today was the people defending his actions. It's a very difficult situation as his mental state was unstable but firstly, when is murder ever ok? Absolutely never. And secondly, when did men decide that they were entitled to a woman just because they deem themselves "nice" and a "gentleman". The whole "friendzone" thing has been sort of a long running joke and it is really stupid. Yes it isn't very nice when someone you like doesn't like you back but then again why should a girl be bullied into being with you just because you like her? That would make it a pity date wouldn't it? So weird.

I fail to believe that this is a serious comment, surely no man could really be that deluded. But there is a general theme with comments like this that suggests women should be made to feel guilty when expressing their opinions. That if a woman says something that a man doesn't like, she is wrong. She needs to be punished. Luckily, women have fought back with the currently trending hashtag #YesAllWomen, talking about harassment, gender roles and really making issues known. "Men's rights activists" still exist for some reason and it's tragedies like this that make you think, women are being MURDERED because they said no. This is sexism and misogyny at it's peak and something really needs to be done.

I send my most sincere apologies and condolences to the family and friends of the victims.

The feminist's paradox

Hi internet

I think one of the main stigmas around feminism comes from the "traditional" feminist angle that, in order to be a feminist, women shouldn't shave, wear makeup, dress "provocatively", be housewives etc. I definitely believe that women don't dress for men (most of the time anyway) and therefore shaving and wearing makeup and stuff doesn't mean you are adhering to society's ideas of a "perfect woman", but that you are doing what the hell you like because it makes you feel good. This has been named the feminist paradox. 

It's unfortunate that over many years it's become so normal for a woman to want to look "flawless" with makeup even though nobody has ever looked like that. I know that rouged cheeks and lips were fashionable because they made you look healthy but who decided to start glueing hairs onto their eyelids and cover their skin in beige goo? Very odd. But, now makeup is so advanced, it's become more of an art. No, not an art of "deception" as some people call it, come on, we're not "lying" to you just because we have darker eyelashes than usual. There are countless blogs and Youtube channels and budding businesses dedicated to the art of makeup, and I find putting makeup on enjoyable.

With shaving, it's completely down to personal preference. I shave because it makes me feel cleaner, like having freshly moisturised skin, but I would never stand for someone telling me that I had to shave, or a partner insisting I shaved before touching me. I think boy's leg hair is way more gross than a girls', and don't get me started on their chest hair! But that's just me, and just like I wouldn't force them to remove it, I wouldn't tolerate being forced to remove mine. A lot of women don't see a problem with body hair and that's completely fine too! Women bearing hairy underarms and legs is so refreshing and the hate they get for it, online especially, is disgusting. 

The singer Lily Allen's comeback song "Hard out here" is a lash out at the misogyny in showbiz and it's got a great message except it slams some things that I don't like. Like the line "you'll find me in the studio and not in the kitchen" somehow comes across negative to housewives and stay at home mums, especially when in context of the music video. Being a stay at home mum is one of the most difficult professions out there and is grossly underestimated. 

All in all, I think any woman can and should be a feminist even if you love having sex, like dressing in "revealing" clothes or wearing makeup or any of these things. Do what makes you happy.

Feminism in Disney

Hello!

I was rewatching one of my favourite disney animated films today and was thinking about the messages they send. The film was Frozen - of course, it's all anyone talks about - and I was in love with the sisterly love message it sent. (This will contain spoilers, if you're bothered). Every other Disney princess film is wrapped up by a prince or similar male figure saving the day and it was refreshing to see family love instead of romantic love be the thing that saved Anna.

My other favourite Disney films are my favourites because they are sort of unconventional and give healthy messages about equality. Pocahontas, the Hunchback of Notre Dame and Mulan. Obviously they're not perfect, but they come pretty close. I think the messages that these give to young children, especially young girls, is that you don't need a man to save you, you can be your own hero and not to judge someone by their appearance. 

There's been a little bit of critique against Frozen because neither of their main characters are that likeable, more so Elsa than Anna. Elsa appears, cold (ha), emotionally unavailable and unstable. Anna is naive and too trusting. This is probably the parents' fault for locking Elsa away however so I think we can let that slide. The songs are so damn catchy anyway.

To the real point of this post, I think it's incredibly important that Disney films portray relationships more accurately and show women as less passive in order to promote equality and fair representation in the younger generation. They are so influential and can do a lot of positive things when made well. I hope that the next Disney film can be about another independant woman, of colour would be great, homosexual would be even better! This might be a little bit too hopeful though. It seems like Disney is progressing, albeit slowly, but I have a good feeling about the future. 

I don't think we should stop watching the older films but some of them were really... politically incorrect. I was watching Pocahontas with my little sister and she referred to the Native Americans as "the redskins" which shocked me actually. I had no idea where it had come from. Then I realised it was from Peter Pan, when they visit the Native American camp with the chief and chief's daughter Tigerlily. So these things have more of an impact than you think.

www.feministdisney.tumblr.com

The menstruation taboo

Hiya

I recently saw a post on the everydayfeminism.com forum questioning tax on sanitary products. I don't fully understand tax so I'm not sure how it works but apparently tax on tampons and pads is 5% whereas some products that are apparently considered "essential" like men's razors are not taxed at all.

First of all what? Not essential? Unless it's suddenly become ok for women to have blood stained clothes and bleed all over the bus seats I don't see how sanitary products are not essential. Personally, I think they should be free or in the UK, provided by the NHS like condoms. They are essential to having a healthy reproductive system and being generally hygienic. Here is a petition you can sign to try to reduce tax on sanitary items to 0%.

What also puzzles me is the insane taboo around menstruation, women rarely talk about it openly, we're always trying to hide our products in pretty cases and god forbid a man see us take one out of our bags. There's all this stigma around the word "period". Periods make us "crazy" and "irrational". Being on your period is "dirty" and it makes you "untouchable". Even seeing a tampon laying around is "awkward" or "gross". Without periods, there would be no babies, without babies, the human population would disappear so yeah, they're pretty important. 99.9% of women menstruate which is practically half of the population so I don't see how it could be any more normal. 

Women in countries like Kenya and Uganda have to be removed from school for a week a month because they are not provided with the products they need to live an easy, normal life. This has a massively negative impact on their education. There are many charities that allow you to donate sanitary products to these girls in these countries to allow them to have uninterrupted education. Here are a few good ones:

http://www.dignitysquad.org/
http://www.globalgiving.org/girleffect/learn-more/
http://www.globalgiving.org/projects/girl-support-project-in-uganda-africa/

These taboos also have a more detrimental affect on a lot of women worldwide.

Click for enlarged picture

If we had a choice to opt out of this monthly inconvenience we would (technically I have, the implant worked in my favour, but that's not the case with 4/5 women). Don't make periods any worse than they already are, basically. Also, never ever ask a woman if she is on her period because she is in a bad mood. We are allowed to be angry or upset sometimes and you are making it 100000X worse. Make periods common ground, talk to your girlfriends about them, help to remove the taboo.

Street Harassment

Hola

I think it's common knowledge that pretty much every woman of this generation has been cat-called at least once in their life. For those who aren't sure what cat-calling is, it's when a man or group of men, can be any age, make inappropriate, crude, sexual comments towards you on the street. This can also be manifested as beeping the horn and shouting "Oi!".

I have had countless encounters like this. A distinct memory I have was when I was 13, wearing shorts because it was summer, walking down the road. A man in a white van (the most common vehicle of harassers) wolf whistled as he was coming up behind me. I turned around, and as soon as he saw my face and probably noticed how young I was, he look mortified and sped off. So where do I begin. The fact that this man just assumed I was older and therefore that made it ok to wolf whistle? Or the fact he didn't notice my small, child like body and just went straight for sexualising the bare legs? I don't know.

Being harassed on the street can be a terrifying thing, imagine if a group of men who had shouted at you then started to follow you, you'd fear the worst. There's no way to know if they're just making a "harmless comment" or if they're going to act on it. A common reaction to cat-calling is that it's a "compliment" and you should be "grateful" for the "attention". No. Compliments are polite, relatively discreet and humbling. "You have a lovely smile" is a compliment. Not "cracking tits". Why do men do it? What are they trying to achieve? Are they expecting us to leap into their arms and say "take me, i'm yours"? Cos that aint gonna happen.

The thing I find extra weird is that I could be walking somewhere in jogging bottoms, a hoodie and no makeup on and still get harassed. Even though I look like a potato in pyjamas. The only conclusion I can come to, and I think this is for the younger men, is that it makes you look like a "lad" in front of your mates. It's funny to them. Or some men just like treating women like pieces of meat and reminding women that they should exist for men's pleasure. 

If you want ways to deal with cat-calling, a good old "fuck off" is quite effective sometimes. On www.everydaysexism.com people share their stories of street harassment and some of their retorts are hilarious. I remember reading that one women, in reply to a boy on a bike commenting on her breasts simply said "That doesn't make me want to have sex with you" and he cycled off in shame. You can read some more creative responses here. 

I like telling cat-calling stories to my male friends in hope that, in turn, it will prevent them from becoming street creeps and help them understand a bit more about sexism.

"Dress for the body you have, not the body you want"

Hey internet

Now it's getting warmer, I've seen a few people on facebook and twitter voicing their "disgust" with "fat girls who think it's ok to wear shorts/crop tops in public". I don't consider myself fat by any means but I've never been completely secure with my body and don't like wearing shorts because they make me feel self conscious. It really bothers me that people think they have the right to shame someone on their clothing choices because they don't "have the body" for it.

The worst part is, it's mostly women making these comments (that I've seen) and it makes me sad, these curvier women do not live for your approval nor do they care if some stranger disapproves of their outfit choice. Voicing these harmful opinions just makes you look like an arsehole. You may have heard of a different take on the "bikini body" ideal that's something along the lines of "How to get a bikini body: put a bikini on your body" promoting self love and this is the same thing. If someone is confident enough to wear shorts or a revealing top then don't be so rude and judgemental. You don't have to be a certain size or shape to wear summery clothes. It's hot anyway, no one's going to wrap themselves in layers and boil to death just because you don't like it.

There's something to  be said for wearing clothes that fit you well and flatter you but at the end of the day, you dress for you and nobody else. Wear what makes you feel fabulous and happy and you can never go wrong.

As for the skinnier women, skinny-shaming is just as real as fat-shaming and I've seen people make cruel comments about women who look like "a sack of bones" in what they're wearing. Don't give a second thought to other people because if the most important thing they have to say is about what someone else is doing with their life, then they're not the type of person you want to know anyway. 

Breastfeeding in public | When nurture calls

Helloo

Recently, in the city I live in, a woman was banned from a sportswear shop for breastfeeding her baby. Apparently they had a clause in their rules/book of conduct/whatever stating that any person showing "inappropriate skin" is to be banned.

It seems that this is happening quite a lot, and in many other countries too. Students from the University of North Texas, Kris Haro and Johnathan Wenske, started a campaign to gain awareness a woman's right to nourish her baby wherever she needs to. The cleverly named "When Nurture Calls" campaign features these posters that show what women are forced to do in some places when they are discriminated against and have to find a private place to feed their child, which often happens to be a dirty public bathroom.

I think a lot of people are feeling positive about this campaign. I'm just completely shocked that it has become acceptable for women to be refused service or dismissed from shops for doing what a woman's body was made to do.

Breasts have become so overly sexualised that people think breasts are only there for men and sexuality. It seems it's perfectly ok to show breasts in advertisements everywhere you look but as soon as you use them for their sole purpose nooo absolutely not!

I wish England had a campaign like this, I also have experience of this discrimination when my mum was pregnant with my little sister a few years back, she was breastfeeding in a cafe and got rude comments from other mums.  Not even men or young women, other women with children seemed to have a problem with this. Bizarre. 

Not only is this issue humiliating and discriminatory, it's probably going to prevent women from wanting to breastfeed their children. Breastfeeding is the best way for your child to receive the nutrients they need to develop and be healthy as well as helping to form that essential mother-baby bond early on.

I'm not sure where we can go from this, hopefully awareness can be spread and women can feel safe and happy to feed their babies whenever nurture calls. 

Slut shaming 101

Hi internet

Today I wanna talk about slut shaming, it's a serious problem in real life and especially on the internet, and I think some things need to be cleared up.

What is slut shaming?
Slut shaming is the act of shaming/judging/insulting a person because of their sexual choices. This is similar to "virgin shaming" (I don't know if that's a real term) where someone is judged/shamed/insulted because of their choice to stay abstinent or not have sex as freely or often. 

What's wrong with slut shaming?
Slut shaming enforces the double standard that men can be sexually active and free with their sexual choices and be called a "lad" or "legend" or "player" because of it, whereas women get called a "slut", "whore" or "easy". This also enforces the idea that women are sexual objects and just a number from a man's sexual "conquests".

Judging anyone because of any aspect of their life, their clothes, their appearance, their hobbies, their friends or partners, their job, their music taste, is always gonna be a bad thing. They don't live their life for you and what they choose to do with their body or anything else remains their decision. It doesn't affect you anyway. You would have a problem with it if someone openly judged your sexual or general choices. 

What are the consequences of slut shaming?
As seen in many public cases, slut shaming can lead to low self esteem, self-harm, depression or even suicide. Slut shaming on the internet or other mediums of technology is cyber bullying and should be treated as such. In less severe cases, such as a seemingly harmless passing comment "she's a slut" is regressing feminism, women should stand together. If women stop slut shaming other women, eventually men will too. 

But sex, especially casual sex, will lead to STI transmission and unwanted pregnancies!
I am definitely not condoning unsafe sex. Precautions should always be taken when engaging in sexual acts with a partner or in casual sex. As long as the sex is safe and consensual, there is nothing wrong with it. The stigma around female sexuality should be abolished, women can enjoy sex too, and they will whether you approve of it or not.

I hope this was useful or reassuring, I've seen a lot of slut shaming especially at school, and I used to agree with it before I took a step back and realised what an arsehole I was being!

Pro-choice VS Pro-life

Hi there

This is a really important issue and very commonly misunderstood.

What is it to be pro-life?
To be against the acts of abortion (and euthanasia) under any circumstance.

What is it to be pro-choice?
Even if you don't agree with abortion, you agree that women should not be denied their reproductive rights and be given the choice of abortion if they should want it. 

This is the problem, people are thinking that you have to be supportive of abortion to be pro-choice, you don't. Women are being denied their freedom in so many aspects of life, why is it so hard to understand that you cannot decide what is best for someone else, or impose your opinions onto them. Like gay marriage, what someone wants to do with their body or who they love is none of your business and therefore you should not have a say.

It probably doesn't have to be said that I am pro-choice. Abortion can be necessary for many reasons.

• If a woman is financially or emotionally unstable enough that having and caring for a child would be difficult
• If a woman is quite young or in a stage of their career or education that means having a child would disrupt their life
• If any form of birth control the couple were using was ineffective or faulty, or for whatever reason birth control was not used
• If the child was conceived from an abusive relationship be it rape/sexual abuse or in a domestically violent situation
• If the unborn child is known to have a severe disability or disease that, after birth, could result in a terrible quality of life

Or many other reasons. Being forced to continue with a unwanted pregnancy is very damaging, physically and emotionally, and can have detrimental effects on the woman's life.

Abortion is not child abuse or murder, the foetus cannot feel it, there are many laws in place to make sure the abortion is carried out safely and harmlessly. And pro-life activists should be focussing on children who are already alive and living in poverty or with abusive parents or in care. 

I am lucky enough to live in a country where abortion is legal and free. There is lots of support for women in the UK. Criminalised abortion doesn't stop abortion from happening, it just stops it from happening safely. Women die worldwide from trying to abort their babies themselves or going to "backstreet abortionists" who use unclean equipment and aggressive, uneducated techniques.

The male politicians in America that I have heard so much about are trying to control women's bodies.  There are no laws controlling men's bodies. The lack of education and support will have far worse effects than the legalisation of abortion.

Can men be feminists? (Yes!!)

Hellooo

As a Tumblr user, I encounter a lot of social justice and equality issues, some not always expressed so intelligently. There's a recurring theme at the moment that if you are "privileged" i.e. are white, straight, cisgendered, male etc, then you are not really allowed to have problems or be part of the equality movements. In relation to feminism, a lot of people have said that when men claim they are being oppressed, they are, in short, wrong.

As a general opinion, it is thought that white people are not allowed to decide what is and isn't racist, heterosexual people aren't allowed to decide what is and isn't homophobic and therefore men aren't allowed to decide what is and isn't sexist. I agree with this to some extent but I definitely believe that men can and should be feminists.

The word feminism has a lot of stigma because extremists have created a stereotype that we are crazy man hating protesters who burn bras. People also seem to think that because the word is "feminism" and not "humanism" or just plain "equality" that the movement is purely for women, about women and that it stands for women gaining supreme power and control which is again, not the case. Also, I would like to make clear that when I used the word "men" to generalise, no I do not mean all men and yes there are men who are not sexist. 

The root of feminism is power and domination based, meaning that men used to (or still do) believe that women were inferior leading to the creation of a male dominated world. If a man notices, agrees with and supports the feminist movement then why can't he consider himself a feminist? In a slightly adverse way, feminism can affect men for example, men are sometimes excluded from more feminine things like dressing like a woman or wearing makeup or being a nurse or secretary. I do not believe that "men's rights activists" are justified because they have taken a movement made to empower women and, oh look, made it about them again. 

All in all, if a man has decided to stop reading sexist magazines or stick up for us when people make sexist jokes or even join the movement and help make a difference, don't push them away. I believe that everyone who believes in social, political and economic equality of the sexes are feminists, whether they realise it or not. And although men probably will never fully understand what it's like, from work place discrimination to sex trafficking, all support is good support. You can be against homophobia without being gay, can't you?

Blurred Lines: The New Battle of the Sexes

Just a quick note, there's a new documentary on BBC's iPlayer about sexism in today's society. You can watch it here.

As you can tell from the title, the programme looks at the topic of Robin Thicke's 2013 hit "Blurred Lines" which I detest for many reasons (which I won't go into now), and other issues like sexual objectification of women in advertisements and games and the porn industry.

I admire the way Kirsty Wark investigated this topic because it's quite subtle. I know a lot of people hear the word "feminism" and run a mile but I really think if more people with sexist attitudes watch the programme they will understand the problems. Share the knowledge! I may make a more detailed post on the issues Kirsty covers and the opinions of people she interviews.

A man's world?

Hello there

I decided that my first post would be a little (or not that little) explanation for this blog. I've wanted to make a difference to the feminist/anti sexist movement but, with a student budget and crappy imagination, I didn't know where to begin. I think this could do the job.

Throughout time men have been in control, though they may not realise it. Their "natural strength", "aggressive/dominating nature" and religion have led to this fascinating yet ridiculous power order of the sexes. Everything starts off being male-dominated, the work force, big businesses, politics, the internet, and since we made the massive jump in the last 100-150 years of gaining some basic rights, women are gaining representation in these areas. But this being a "Man's world" means that men feel intimidation and loss of power that they and all their ancestors have had for thousands of years. I mean, if you and your friends were having a girls' night and some boys showed up and took over, you'd be pissed, right? But there is a bigger picture. Sexism is a power game.

To those who don't believe that sexism is a problem or think that feminists are insane, give this a watch.

The love I have for this woman and this video is unreal. Her sex positive sex education videos are incredibly informative and accurate.

It's not just about us, in England or wherever, getting harassed on the street or bullied by coworkers or denied rights over our own bodies and reproductive health. There are women worldwide getting physically abused, genital mutilation, sold like cattle, raped by men 40 years their senior when they are only 8 years old, denied the rights to vote or drive. I don't know how I'm going to make a difference there yet, but I will.

I think the most important step we can take at the moment is girls sticking together. As Tina Fey famously said in Mean Girls (2004) "You guys have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores, it just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores." I am avid believer in sexual freedom, please don't slate women on their sexual choices, especially if, when those same choices are made by a man, he's a "legend" or a "lad". God I hate lad culture. As long as you are being safe and consensual, your choices are your business and no one can shame you for them. Once women are united, we can take the next step to take over the world! No I'm totally joking, but make a difference, stand up for eachother, claim back what's ours, end objectification and stereotypes and abuse and make the world a better place. 

I hope at least one person found this interesting or motivating or helpful. I will be making more posts on issues like these.